Not feeling great at the moment. I have a lot of life decisions to make. I always want to put as much thought into my decisions as possible, but that also stresses me out a lot and can cause me not to act either way. I want to have a good life. It all seems so complicated. Choosing one thing tends to mean saying no to another, and it’s hard to let go. I get lost and lonely, and no one really gets what I’m going through. I’m trying to focus on one thing at a time, but that can still be hard. I just want things to work out.
Right now I just want to have a good job. I have my bachelor’s, but I’m thinking of taking classes at community college so I can specialize in something and gain more skills. It could connect me with a community of people and could help me define my path. I could also pursue a job I’m already qualified for, but it wouldn’t give me the same sense of stability. If I go to school, I’ll have to get financial aid and work part time so I can afford it. Not that the cost of community college will add much to the pile of debt I already have.
There’s so many things I want to do. I always feel like a bunch of things are pulling for my attention at once. But I know I have to focus, at least for a little while, to make any real progress. I keep getting overwhelmed and lonely and depressed. Everything feels hard.