Thoughts on 24


I’ll be 25 in six months. I read somewhere that when you turn 25, that’s when your brain transitions more into adulthood, or something along those lines. And I can kind of see that. I feel like I’m at a point where I’m still wanting to experiment, while also looking for constants. The truth is though, being in your twenties is hard. I see this as a decade of my life that’s one big experiment. It’s filled to the brim with failure, and it’s filled with the illusions of what you think your life should look like.

By 24, lots of people in the boomer generation were married, buying their first house, and having babies. At least, that’s how it seems. If my math is correct, my parents were 25 and 27 when they got married, and less than a year later I was born. So, by that standard, I still “have time” to figure things out. Right?

Honestly, by thirty I’ll probably be single. If I’m lucky, I’ll live in a shoe box apartment in Brooklyn, and if I’m really lucky I’ll have a cat.

The thing I hate about being in my twenties is that this is the youngest I’m ever going to be, while also being independent and old enough to do anything I want. But I can’t even enjoy it because I’m too stressed about having a career, AND a relationship, AND a car, AND exercising/ eating healthy, AND earning degrees, AND having an apartment, traveling, etc. Not to mention wanting to be happy 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

I’ll be the first to admit I get stressed because I try to do everything at once. But maybe the truth is, we can’t expect ourselves to do and have all of those things at the same time, can we? In high school and college, the only thing I really truly had to worry about was school. There may have been jobs and skills to build on the side, but school was the one thing that was really important. It was the top priority for my time.

After graduating, it’s like everything becomes the top priority. At least that’s how I feel. Suddenly, work, relationships, and everything else needs to be number one. It’s like everything you want in life is part of a Jenga tower, and if you don’t get one thing quite right, the whole tower (i.e- your whole life), will come crumbling down.

Of course, that’s not really how life works. People I know in their 50s, 40s, and even 30s are either married or not, they have kids or they don’t, they live in their own house, or they don’t. I’m not saying people don’t stress when they’re older, or that they don’t get bummed out about not having things they want, but I do feel like there’s less pressure.

In your 20s, people want to know how you’re using that degree you just got. They want to know if you’re dating if you’re single, or if you’re gonna marry the person you’re dating, or if you and your spouse are gonna have kids, or if you’re gonna breast feed the kids you already have, etc, etc, etc. It’s endless. If you don’t have a job, people want to know if you are looking. If you’re earning a degree, they want to know what you’ll do with it. It’s like being a young adult gives everyone permission to watch you under a microscope, and to make sure your decisions and answers align with whatever can make them the most comfortable.

I always thought my twenties would have a sense of adventure, but instead, it just feels like a long climb toward stability. Now that I’m halfway to twenty-five, it just makes me think. I don’t want to spend the rest of this decade feeling stressed and sad and inadequate. I don’t want it to pass me by while I’m drowning in job applications or worried about being “forever alone.”

But unfortunately, as much as I want to live my life to the fullest, I don’t really know how. I want to do what makes me happy, but it doesn’t always feel that simple. I’ve learned the hard way that no one but you cares if you’re in a lane that makes you unhappy. You have to fight for that on your own. And sometimes that fight is exhausting, or it has to wait.

The past five years have been transformative. I’ve been through a lot, accomplished a lot, and learned so much. It hasn’t all been failure and sadness, but it can feel that way at times. I remember the anxious times more than I remember the good times.

I want the next five years to be better. I hope they are. I hope happiness can be less elusive.



I keep daydreaming about the distance

I want the chance to hold your hand

To make promises as high as the moon

Naïve enough to believe I can keep them


I want work that I can’t have

I want things to be easier

I’m tired of banging on doors that won’t open

I picture paradise, and it cripples me.

Time To Rest

Take some time to rest

I know you’ve tried your best

You’ve made it through hard days

You’ve figured out the ways


That you can make some sunshine

By digging through the mine

To break through all the rough

To find diamonds that are tough


They glisten in your hand

And others may not understand

The little hope you’ve found

In places tiny lights abound


A tiny bit of hope

Brings you to climb upon the slope

That leads you to a better day

This bit of light is here to stay


That guides you when the night returns

Your hope, something so soft that burns

You know that you will be okay

For now, please rest, your light will stay.




Open Door

Sometimes a door is opened

The lock is broken, it waits for you

But you’re just not sure if you

Want to go through it. So you


Stay still. Hoping that an answer

Will fall to you the way snow falls

From the sky. Blessing you with a

Blanket of confidence. But that


Doesn’t happen. Instead, you breathe

You look at the door and wonder, what

Will happen if I go through? What will

Happen if I don’t? Where else would I go?


You make your choice and explore what

Is beyond the door, the way Lucy goes

Through the wardrobe to Narnia. Perhaps

Finding something great, or terrible, or both.




Let me tell you my story

I am more than meets the eye

The feelings in me swirl deep

Inside, they come out in the form

Of ink on paper, in gasps of air

Between bouts of laughter. I am infinite


Too often life seems like a

Tangled mess made up of my own

Problems. I want the world to feel big,

Huge even. I want to breathe in the depths

Of the milky way and know that if I could

Go far enough into space, so far into the

Endless mass of night and stardust, I would

No longer be able to see the Earth.


And my problems would fade away like melting snow,

Soft like feathers. They’d float in zero gravity

And become weightless, just more space junk

Floating along while I, a daughter of elements

Colliding, am carried away by the stars. I drift

Along in this place that is empty, yet full of

Wonder, peaceful the way it is when you lay

Beside a dreaming lover. It is bliss


But a sinking feeling in my gut tells me, “In this

Place with no rivers, no opposites, no chaos,

There is no room to create.” So I return to the

World where there are mountains and valleys

Oceans that I wish would swallow me whole,

Introduce me to the coral reefs and allow

Me to swim amongst the angel fish and the

Squids and the beluga whales. Singing songs

That only the stars could transpose


Pure magic radiating light that gives birth to

Living, breathing harmonies. I break through

The water’s surface, gasping for air, feeling

The salt water cool my skin as the sun shines

And I am cleansed. I walk along the sand and

Am made new by the wind. I say yes,

I can climb mountains. And can take challenges

And treat each day like an adventure. One does

Not live by thinking and planning but by doing,

By taking risks, by taking courage. It is already

Inside of me in an infinite supply


I can slip into a raft and let the river take me on a

Journey, unveiling her secrets and showing

Me her ever-changing world. And if I ever

Get stuck, if I am ever stuck in a rut and

Feel as though my tangled mess of problems

Is the whole world, I can spread my wings.

I can take flight and remember what it’s like

To be so far away from the Earth that it is

Not only untouchable but unseeable


To be weightless, peaceful, and free. To let go,

To trust, and to be carried away by the stars


Let me tell you my story. I am more than meets

The eye. I am the river and the ocean and the

Squid. I am the distant stars and the erupting

Volcanos. The fresh snow and the gentle tulips

I am an explorer, an adventurer. And I will look to

The sky for freedom as I climb, as I wander, and

As I let the river show me her ever-changing world.










Sunlight trickles from your hands

And into the causes that give you

Life. You hold onto the people

Who need you, to the ones who

Have watched their dreams shatter

Who the world has neglected as they

Try, in spite of everything, to build

A home and a future. You work to

Heal the hurting because you deal

With your own pain. And you’ve been

There, you know what it’s like to be

All alone with the thing that makes

You different. And you won’t let other

People be alone. It gives you purpose

It keeps you going. And every once in

A while, when your own days are hard,

Someone pays attention. Someone

Sees you need help, too. And they reach

Into their pocket to give some of that

Beautiful, needed sunlight back to you.