Seasons

I don’t know why some people

Come into your life

Some for a season

Others for a lifetime

Helping you to grow and to change

Challenging you, hurting you, but hopefully loving you

And if they don’t love you, it’s time to say goodbye

To that season.

Sometimes what’s good for you isn’t black and white

Letting go isn’t always as light as a cloud

Sometimes it’s sticky like molasses

Sweet, making you reluctant, even as you’re messy

Even as you know you need to become clean

So strange to be in a world where we are shaped like clay

By each person who comes along, touching our hearts

Yet at the same time we are like steel

Unmoving, unchanging in our most real senses of self

I let go of my former self

I’ve broken free from so many phases

That are no longer me

Those chapters have been closed

Left behind with the seasons

But it doesn’t mean I don’t reread them

I reread you

And you challenge me, hurt me

Not intentionally, but not figuratively

Love me?

I don’t know if you love me

In any sense of the word, in the most basic sense

In the lightest

And so I’m not sure

I’m not sure if I’m meant to let go.

Fire

I don’t want to play with fire

Am I wrong to get so caught up

In the things that scare me away

From you? This has to be right. I

.

Want to do this right. Love slips

Through my fingers like smoke,

Like an elusive ghost; I need you to

Bring me to life, but don’t get too

.

Close in case this isn’t right. Where did

I go wrong? When did the poetry intertwined

With my heartbeat become constricting, my

Anxiety and neurosis preventing me from

.

Giving you my time, my affection, my body

One wrong step, one wrong move, I’m so

Afraid of the tiny mistakes that I never take

The big risks. Who are you really? Let me uncover

.

Your truths, untangle the mystery of what our

Future looks like. They say to trust your instincts

But I’m not sure mine can be trusted. They set off

Alarms with every new door that opens. And I

.

Freeze, pause, helpless over my fear of fire. The hell

With it. Touch me, press my back to the wall

Your lips, your touch, your heat, let it cover me

Let the fire I’ve feared for so long consume me.